Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Kindred Spirit Guide: Bridget Jones

Are you looking to find your spirit animal? To help you define your pop culture spirit animal, I've matched traits of personality, humor, and even sex to famous and favorite movie and tv characters. Here is my latest guide with iconic British literature and film character: Bridget Jones.

Your Special Totem: A diary, in which you write what you mean when your write..but then you don't mean what your wrote. Eh, we all know diaries are full of crap anyways.

In Your Circle You're Famous For: Verbal diarrhea.

Your Life Motto: It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.

Personality: There are elements about the ridiculous with you like not being well-gifted at public speaking. Despite what self-consciousness makes you feel like, you're not an idiot. Every year you start out wholly and beautifully optimistic to make changes and empower yourself...then somewhere along the way you let the world be harsh to you.

I think you get a little too caught up in what other people think being a happy 30 year old single woman means rather than being comfortable in your own fabulous skin. You're stronger and way cooler than you seem. Don't judge yourself by what Cosmo magazine preaches. You're funny, down to earth and a relatable girl everyone loves. Look around you; everyone's lives are a bit messy. Like yourself just as you are.

Health: Smoke less. And drink less. Eventually these are New Years resolutions you may want to keep. I think the most important thing to focus on is not eating mold that once resembled cheese - even if you scrap it all off - nor should you make soup with actual blue string - I'm highly sure that the yarn dyes are not good for you. So, smoking and drinking less aren't really your biggest health concerns.

Work: Your capable at anything you put your mind to, especially your job. If only you take a little bit more of a firmer focus at work other than your hot boss or co-workers. It'd do you a world of good not believe it when people say you only fanny about with the press releases. You're a hard worker and capable of being so much more than being inappropriately oggled by Mr. Titspervert. Put your mind work, and you'll move up in the workplace. If you ever leave your job because you've shagged your boss and have to leave, it's best not to fib your way through the interview process. Just be honest.

Sex: You regard yourself as a wanton sex goddess with a very bad man between her thighs. Good for you! You could use a better radar to detect though, which night is right for stomach holding in underwear or genuinely tiny knickers. And, don't answer the phone as your alternative sex goddess identity. It may be your mother on the other line.

Intelligence: You definitely have a sense of knowing what is right and wrong for you, you just tend to fall for the latter. Naivete and your lack of worldly experience leads you into believing what others think about you: you could be more book smart, world smart, fashion forward, and so on. You know what works for you; you just need to chase that feeling. While I do recommend staying up on current events, you can ooze intelligence - when the appropriate moment calls for it.

Entertainment: You are a fun, socialite gal. You don't miss out on opportunities to dress up for parties, heading out for drinks with friends, attend a dinner with ten smug married couples, or sing karaoke at your workplace Christmas party. But, your best friend wrote a hit single...almost ten years ago. And you resort to SAD FM for the over-thirties when getting smashed and imagine being ravaged by wild dogs.

Throw out all your romance-advice books and focus on empowering yourself. Now, like the advice above to keep updated on current events, check out some songs on the current Billboard hits, so you can really wow people with your sense of pop culture and literature.

Relationships: Pride and prejudice can get in the way of you falling in love with the guy that's truly right for you - whether it's your mother setting you up, following the advice of well-meaning friends, or all your married friends who keep reminding you *tick tock* - can't be single forever.

I have a feeling judging by your personality traits that if any tosser shows the slightest bit of affection - despite what a sexist almost harassment prig he is - you dive head first into daydreams of weddings and how the "happily-ever-after marriage" began with inappropriate emails over your non-existent skirt.

Try to strive for guys who are not: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional ****wits, or perverts. And, do not open your heart to the guy who embodies all these things. Go for the guy in the reindeer sweater, will happily try to fix your blue soup, and eat your three your most incredible **** meals without rude complaint among your friends.

In the end, you'll prove to yourself and know what is good for you:

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